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BONA - August 2007
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Iqabane elingathembekanga
Sonke siyaxoka ngamany' amaxesha kodwa obunye ubuxoki buyawophul' umphefumlo - njengobuxoki obuthethwa liqabane elingathembekanga kwiqabane lalo. Nantsi indlela ongalibhaqa ngayo iqabane elixokayo...
kubhale uISAAC KWELA
UKUTHULA kuyamngcu-ngcuthekis' umntu ongathembekanga. Le yinto yokuqala ekufuneka uyikhumbule xa ubona ukuba iqabane lakho "linomkhwapheni" ube ufuna ukulibamba.
Xa ufuna ukumbamba umntu ongathembekanga mbuze umbuzo uze umlinde. Xa ephendula, mlinde ungambuzi omnye umbuzo ngokukhawuleza.
Xa ungaphenduli ubethwa luvalo aze acinge ukuba awumkholwa aze aqhubeke nokukuchazela iindaba ongazibuzanga.
Umzekelo: ubuza uBongani ukuba ubephi ngobusuku bangoMgqibelo. Uphendula athi: "Bendizikhuphe nabahlobo bam." Thula umlinde. Uyaqhubeka athi: "Besibukele iiDVD."
Xa ungamphenduli futhi uyaqhubeka athi: "Siye satya ipizza kamva." Uyaqhubeka ekuxelela iindaba ongazibuzanga xa uzithulele ungaxambulisani naye.
Enye ingcali yengqondo ithi: umntu ongathembekanga ukubalisela ibali lakhe kancinci kancinci de umthulise wena.
Nazi ezinye zeendlela eziza kukunceda umbone umntu xa engathembekanga...
Andisoze...
Xa umbuza: "Ingaba ukho omny' umntu othandana naye"" Uthi yena: "Andisoze ndithandane nabantu ababini ngexesha." Xa ephendula ngolu hlobo ke uzama ukukuqinisekisa ukuze umkholwe.Yingozi leyo.
Mlumkele umntu ocaphukayo xa umbuza lo mbuzo. Ufuna ucinge ukuba ucatshukiswa zizityholo ombeka zona lo gama azi kakuhle ukuba akathembekanga.
Ndiyavuya xa sidlulile kulo mba...
Nantsi enye into ekufuneka uyiqwalasele emva kokuthetha naye. Ingaba nisakugqiba ukuthetha nize nithethe ngenye into ukhangeleka ngathi uthi "Yhu, ndiyavuya sidlulile kulo mba""
Kaloku umntu ongathembekanga uyavuya xa nithetha nganto yimbi kuba ucinga ukuba umkholelwe.
Ithini wena eyakho imeko..."
Lo ngumbuzo angakucingiyo ukuwubuza umntu ongathembekanga. Umzekelo xa umbuza ukuba ulwenzile na uvavanyo lukagawulayo uyavuma ukuba ulwenzile aze akuxelele ukuba ulwenza qho kuba lubalulekile empilweni yakhe.
Lumka! Xa enyanisile kwaye eyikhathalele impilo yakhe kufanele akubuze ukuba wena ulwenzile na uvavanyo.
Abantu abangathembekanga abaqondi ukuba akufuneki uphendule imibuzo kuphela koko nawe kufuneka ubuze imibuzo. Bakhetha ukuyitshintsha into ekuthethwa ngayo.
Uthini"
Ngomnye wemibuzo alibalayo ukuyibuza le. Xa etyholwa uphelelwa ngamazwi. Akakwazi ukukuphazamisa athi "Uthini"" Akasinanzi kangako isityholo abekwa sona koko into ayikhathaleleyo yindlela aza kukuphendula ngayo.
Namapolisa xa efuna kuphume inyaniso enza ngolu hlobo. Umntu ongathembekanga uzenza into ecaphukayo ukanti omsulwa ucaphuka ngokwenene xa etyholwa.
Ubuziswa yintoni"
Umntu xa eza kuthetha ubuxoki ubuza imibuzo eza kumnika ithuba lokudibanisa ubuxoki bakhe efana nale:
Uyibuziswa yintoni loo nto"
Uthetha ukuthini"
Ivelaphi ke leyo"
Ayiloxesha/akuyondawo elungele ukuba sithethe ngawo lo mba.
Ukhe waliva eli bali"
Le yinto abantu abaninzi abangayiqapheliyo. Xa iqabane lakho libona ukuba uyalirhanela ukuba alithembekanga lisuke likubalisele ibali lesibini esinengxaki emtshatweni waso ngenxa yomfazi othandanayo. Ude ulive elibhinqileyo lisithi: "Kodwa ungenwe yintoni lo mfazi" Umyeni wakhe kufanele amlahle!"
(Xa eli bali libaliswa yindoda iba ngecala lomfazi.)
Ngale ndlela uzama ukukulalisa ingqondo ukuze ungakukrobeli ukungathembeki kwakhe!
Ungamtyholi...
Umntu ongathembekanga akafuni ukuyiphendula imibuzo emtyholayo. Kufuneka ube krele-krele kulo mcimbi. "Kufuneka umbuzo wakho ube nobuciko uvakale umsulwa kulowo umsulwa kodwa ube sisityholo kulowo utyiwa sisazela," kuchaza ugqirha wengqondo uGqr. David Lieberman.
Xa urhana ngathi intombi oncuma nayo ihambe indlela egwenxa yibuze ngolu hlobo: "Ingaba ikho into enomdla eyenzekileyo kubusuku bayizolo""
Xa iphendula ngolu hlobo "Ubuziswa yintoni"" okanye ithi "Ikho into oyivileyo"", loo nto intama ukuba ukho undonakele.
Uza kubhaqwa
Kungenjalo ungathi kuye: "Iyandixaka into yomntu ongathembekanga aze acinge ukuba akazubhaqwa..." Loo mazwi ayaloyikisa iqabane lakho elingathembekanga kwaye xa libuza ukuba kungani uthetha ngolu hlobo, yazi ukuba ngenene alithembekanga.
Sidibanise...
Xa udikiwe kukuqhathwa liqabane lakho kubhetele uthethe nalo ngolu hlobo: "Andiyithandi le nto yakho yokuthandana kwakho nalo mntu ndingamaziyo. Ukuba wawundixelele mhlawumbi bendiza kukunceda. Kunganjani xa singadibana sobathathu" Mhlawumbi kungaba mnandi kuba imbi le nto yokumana uzimela."
Uthi uGqr. Lieberman xa uthetha ngolu hlobo ayaphela amahlathi kwiqabane lakho libone ukuba malithethe inyaniso. "Kaloku yena ucinga ukuba xa ethetha inyaniso uza kufumana inkululeko kule nto ayenzayo."
Xa ethembekile uza kucinga ukuba ushiywa ziingqondo ukanti ngaloo ndlela uza kuyifumana inyaniso.
Lumka xa iqabane lakho likutyhola ngokungathembeki. Kaloku umazi wendlela ngoyihambayo ngoko lumka xa lisoloko likotyhola.
Sikhe sive ngeqabane elinekhwele elisoloko lityhola elinye ngokungathembeki kube kulilo elingathembekanga nelenza ezi zinto lityhola ngazo iqabane lalo! [x]
BONA XHOSA - October 2007
A liar can fake outrage
BONA XHOSA - October 2007
